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The problem: My child is constantly losing things and leaving things behind.

Set your child up for success.

Do: Moment-to-moment awareness is a practice. Create routines to prompt your child’s memory. For example, teach your child to count how many things they have before they go somewhere. Then before they leave a place, remind them to see whether they have the same number of things.

Don’t overreact or use labels.

Don’t / Don’t say:

• Don’t yell at your child.
• Don’t label your child irresponsible or careless.
• “You’re a scatterbrain and can’t keep track of anything.”
• “You’re so disorganized. You are so forgetful!”

Don’t go overboard on stuff.

Don’t:

• Don’t replace everything they lose, just necessities.
• Don’t buy things that are so expensive it feels like a personal injury if it’s lost.
• Don’t find the item for them, but encourage them to find it. Walk them to the lost and found but have them look through it. Remember, it’s hard for a lot of kids to remember everything when they are so active. Think about yourself on your craziest day — a lot of kids live that every day.

Use positive framing and modeling.

Say:

• “Hmm… I’m going to pause for a minute to be sure I remembered everything.”
• “Here’s where I always put my keys so that I can find them. It helps me feel calm. What would be a good place for you to put your backpack or math folder every day so that you can find it when you need it?”
• “Let’s make some new habits to keep track of things. I’ve got some ideas to help.”

Why this approach to a child losing things or leaving things behind matters

We grow and change over our lifetimes. If you characterize kids in a particular way, it can limit the way they see themselves, which makes it difficult to explore other ways of being.

Staying organized takes practice, but it creates a calmer, happier child who will be able to pursue bigger dreams and handle bigger challenges because of it. It’s worth the extra effort!